left you when a good friend passed away

how your friends completely like, left you when a good friend of yours passed away

so this ones about the friends, i had friends in columbus. but my friends avoided me after my friend died. i think this was crazy. i needed support and help to get me through my grief. my friends did the opposite and didnt help me. i think this was their way of showing me they really didnt care. but they picked a shit time to show me they didn't care for me. i feel bad because i liked my friends alot. and i wasn't liked much. i don't understand why my friends didn't like me. i sometimes feel like i was a worse friend to them in some way to make them feel like i wasn't good enough.

nick was a guy i went to college with. freshman year he was my next door neighbor. i drank with him many times. i went to dayton with him. i went on road trips with him. and then when i was in a difficult situation, he avoided me. he lived with his girlfriend. she was kinda crazy. she never got along with another friend of mine. but to me she was ok. nick was ok to me as well. but they seemed to want to avoid me when i was feeling bad about my friend. i think nick wanted to enjoy his happiness with his girlfriend and not get pulled down by my grief. but that was no good for me because i needed someone who was committed to seeing me through my dark tunnel. and for alot of my friends, this just was not in my head. i called old highschool friends, and i never got responses, and if i did, everyone told me they were busy. i messaged people on facebook. i never could get any of them to hang out. i called friends in columbus. i rarely got them to hang out with me. i spent most of my days alone in my apartment.