how much you miss england

i guess you could say i miss england. i moved here when i was like 10. i was born in 86, and in 96, i was here. maybe like 9, when we first visited, in 95. but yeah. i visited as often as i could. once whe i was 17 with my dad. we saw the old house. we'd still kept it by then. they sold it after.

i've gone back a few times since then, i visited in 08 when i was 22, and perhaps in 07 when i was 21. two or three times between 07 and 08. i've seen the old town where i used to live, blackburn, through the eyes of a visitor this time, by train, to the station, and then by cab, to some hotel. it was weird.

i spent a month in aberdeen. it was great.

but when i returned to ohio it sucked, nothing here, just feeling like i'd been cheated, like id' been moved from england without really any good reason and it sucked. like i just wanted to go bakc. i have no reason to be here after all. whilst my parents made the decision to come here so long ago, i didn't agree with that decision and was taken against my will. the trouble with being a child is you're reduced to being little more than a slave at times, and the law supports it. such is the way people live when they're considered a dependant.

but so many years have passed, miserable years, and after disconnecting myself with so many of those people that i met over the years under ugly circumstances, i find myself still connected with a few of the originals, people i knew before the blight in my life began. and using these oflks, i've managed to piece together a thing or two about my former country.

i grew up there, most of my best friends lived there, the best chance i had at a normal life died there. thats more or less my tie to that country. its the home of my childhood, and also the place where i feel like i belong. being there i feel like im at peace. for some reason it makes me feel complete in some way. i dont know why.